Begin Again, Now

Your responses, questions, support, and love are all helping me stay conscious and deliberate in my actions. I continually begin again from now, this present moment. I am intimate friends with these inquiries: Is my son thriving? Am I thriving? How is this working for us? Is there anything I would like to change? I am happy to say my son is absolutely thriving. I am doing well too… and I am very reassured by what happened last night. 

My son and I made it to the other side!!! We made it to the other side of his upset. He had woken to nurse, and I chose to hold the boundary of no nursing. He was, again, very upset. He asked in a variety of ways; he was very clear in his asking. I stayed present with him, letting know I loved him. He looked at me square in the face, eyes big and straight on, as though he was peering into my soul. I smiled and let him know we were going to get through this, and that everything is ok. I honored all of his feelings. I welcomed all he had to offer, any feeling was ok with me.

I breathed. I waited. I watched. I held. I let go. When he needed space, I stayed with him emotionally but let him take space physically. I welcomed him back into my arms whenever he wanted to be there. I felt very interested in what was happening. Pretty soon, his crying shifted to affirmations of something else. He wanted me to lay next to him in bed. He got under his covers, in his favorite spot in the middle of his bed, and he patted the space next to him. He looked at me expectantly, and said, “Da!” He pointed with one finger to that empty space beside him, and looked at me again. No more crying, just clear 2 year old communication. We got to the other side of his upset in just over 15 minutes. Whew! That was amazing. Like the quiet after a downpour, when the birds begin chirping again, stretching their wings, ready to resume their normal activities accompanied by life’s beautiful song.