Beyond Tired

I am just so tired. I listened to my son cry for 15 minutes last night, instead of nursing him. I gave myself a time limit, and I stuck to it. I listened to him with connection, meaning I was holding him all the while. I reassured him in the sense of letting him know I was there, that I loved him, and that we were not going to nurse right then.

He was pissed. It was the middle of the night. He was disoriented. He was red faced and all wet from tears. He would get out of my arms, I would let him go while staying close to him. He would not go far though, and he would come back to me wanting my hugs and reassurance while still so upset about not getting what he expected.

I am so tired. I have no idea what exactly I will do tonight if he wakes up expecting to nurse again. All I know is I am going to sleep. I will start there. Horizontal. In my own bed. Asleep… praying for the best.