Integrative Healing

celebrating the depth and breadth of the human experience

Tag Archives: closeness and reassurance

70 Days of Weaning: Days 8-10

Day 8: New Milestone k7561501

Today, something new happened! I was on my way home after having some personal time (thank goodness for me-time!), and I internally fretted about the possibility of my son wanting to nurse directly upon my arrival. My plan was to hold out till bedtime, a few hours later. I felt unsure about how exactly to hold this boundary with him, and I worried about how he might express his feelings and how many feelings he might have. In my catastrophic thinking, I thought the evening might be ruined with bad moods, tantrums, and everyone grumpily on edge.

I was right about one thing: my boy did want to nurse! I was also wrong about everything else. After a minute or two of crying and expressing his feelings, he was totally fine! He may have asked again at some point before bedtime, but I do not really remember because it was no big deal!

In the past, I would have nursed my little guy on demand (which has been great for so many reasons, including always ensuring an ample supply of milk). In the recent past, I would have had him ask to nurse politely (with a please and using his words). Today, I simply said, “Not right now, Honey. We’ll nurse at bedtime.”

When he shared his upset feelings, his daddy and I were right there with him. We did not take any of his feelings away; we did not distract him from his experience; we simply held space for our son and all he wanted to express.

I imagine how disappointing it must be to have been fed, by breast, on demand and then no longer have this wish fulfilled immediately at any beck and call. Even amid the disappointment and any other feeling that exists for my son, he is doing really well… much better than my catastrophic mind can predict! I feel grateful that we all went on to have a really wonderful evening, and yes, he did nurse at bedtime… and no, he did not wake again to nurse till the wee hours of the next morning. We did make our 8 plus hours of no nursing during the day, and I feel very proud of him for working all of this out with me… and because of his daddy’s involvement, with us.

Day 9: Birthday Party

images-3Today was my little guy’s second birthday party! I did try my best to hold the boundaries I have set out to hold, but the result was a cranky mom and a whiny, negative-attention-seeking son. Ugh! Not how I want to parent. Luckily, the hardest part was only around 15 minutes. Because of the party and my understanding that he was simply overstimulated, we ended up with more nursing than usual. I feel ok about this. I want to gently encourage. I do not want to be a crabby, pushy weaning tyrant! With all the excitement, people, noise, etc., he needed the closeness and reassurance. I needed to give him a good birthday celebration. We both won, though our wins were not about weaning. They were about securing and enjoying our bond, celebrating the gift of his precious life, and listening to what is true while being able to act peacefully and spontaneously for the highest good of all involved.

Day 10: Moving On

My partner and I passed on some baby stuff today. My little boy is definitely out of the baby stage! We almost made our 8 hour no nursing hour window, in fact, we almost made it twice!

He is so good, and breastfeeding is so good and natural. I want him to nurse as long as he needs to. I am happy to provide this gentle encouragement to see what he is ready for and to know where his edge is. I want this shift to be gradual. We have time. We have plenty of time to be right where we are.

He has nursed 4 times today, a little less than usual. He has almost made it from bedtime to midnight without nursing, and I hope he will make it much beyond that! In case he does not, I do feel confident I will be able to be with him in a good way while he shares whatever feelings he may want to let go of. I love him so much, and the expression of all his emotions are safe with me. images

 

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen

“We cannot say that there is no past or no future, only that past, present, and future occur in the timeless Now.” – Dorothy Hunt

“Healing is being present with what is, exactly as it is.”

– Rain Elizabeth Stickney

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive!” – Howard Thurman

“The body tells a story. It is, in fact, a living autobiography.”

– Elaine Mayland

“The sacred is the reality of you. It’s the reality of everything.” – Adyashanti

“The point is to learn from whatever is experienced, whether it’s liked or disliked, beautiful or ugly. Everything will teach us if we let it.” – Ajahn Amaro, Finding the Missing Peace

“Eye contact, gentle touch, warmth in our voices, and caring words are balm for your child’s being.” – Patty Wipfler

“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.”

– Aristotle

“When hearts are open and awake, we bring warmth and blessings to our community and the world.” – Jack Kornfield

“This sky where we live is no place to lose your wings so love, love, love.” – Hafiz

“If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed moment.” – Joseph R. Sizoo

“Meditation is not a technique to master; it is the highest form of prayer, a naked act of love and effortless surrender into the silent abyss beyond all knowing.” – Adyashanti

“If you find an intelligent companion,
A fellow traveler,
A sage of good conduct,
You should travel together,
Delighted and mindful.”
– The Dhammapada, translated by Gil Fronsdal

“The symbols of the self arise in the depths of the body.”

– C.G. Jung

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